What Was Needed
by carolily
Summary: An incident has left Colonello broken. It's up to Lal to pick up the pieces, but when she finds him unreachable, what will she do? Cololal fanfic
1. Broken

"Colonello" Lal's sharp voice cut into his mind. Slicing through the white haze that he so carefully constructed for himself, so he could hide from the cruel reality that he tortures himself with again and again. As he sat in front of his fierce (and oh, so very unladylike but yet attractive) instructor and commander in her office, he could already feel his mind trying to slip away. Back into the world he sealed himself into for the last two days.

"You've been crying haven't you?" Lal's eyes met with Colonello's trying to find a glimpse of anything that remained. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, if that really were true, then current Colonello would have no soul at all; his eyes were empty, devoid of the light that shone in them so brightly just two days ago.

"Eh? Lal, what are you talking about?" Colonello plastered an artificial grin on his face, trying to seem as genuine as possible. He couldn't let Lal see him like this. But somewhere deep inside him, he knew he was fighting a losing battle, as she leaned over the oak desk and looked straight into his eyes, as if she was looking into his heart.

"Don't try to fake it. You're missing your punch line." Lal spoke in a serious tone, as Colonello turned his head away.

"Yes, I have kora." Colonello murmured softly, as Lal heaved a sigh, looking out the window of her office.

"Did you really think that you'd get away with being in the military without dirtying your hands?" She asked quietly, the world turning into a sea of red in front of her eyes. She didn't really care anymore. Her years in wars and hits and missions have left what used to be a twisting pain a dull throb in her throat that appears and disappears. What used to make her break down in gut wrenching sobs now only made her feel numb. At first, the guilt and remorse threatened to break her into pieces, but she had overcome that in time. As she looked at her student in front of her, she knew that it was going to take a lot more than what she required to get through her time. The question was what exactly.

"No...But..."Colonello trailed off, fists balled so tight, his knuckles turned white. His nails dug into his flesh, but the pain seemed like nothing compared to the guilt gnawing a whole in his heart.

"Get ahold of yourself Colonello. Face it. Life is cruel. You sometimes need to do things you don't want to do." Lal snapped, as Colonello flinched. Her expression immediately softened. Sighing, she stood up from her chair. "Think about it for a bit. It's not your fault. If you hadn't done it, someone else would." Colonello couldn't help notice her voice was bitter, as if she was biting back the contempt gathered over the years.

"You'll either have to just accept it or you'll break." Walking towards the door, she brushed her hand on his shoulder, a little gesture she gifted him. Colonello stood up as well, letting their hands touch briefly; he knew that Lal probably didn't know how he felt about her, but nonetheless, he couldn't help but be a bit hopeful. A dull light sparked to life in his eyes.

"I have a question for you kora." He turned, as Lal's hand was on the doorknob. "Did you tell me to come because it's your duty? Or something else kora?"

Lal paused for a moment.

"Technically, I am supposed to do this for 'traumatized' subordinates." She looked away, feeling her cheeks growing hot. The silent but as obvious as day.

"Whatever you say kora." The corners of his mouth curved upwards slightly into a sad smile, the trademark grin swiped off his face.

"That would be the end of it. You're free to leave." Lal dismissed, but she knew that Colonello was still trapped in the murky depth of self blame and remorse.

She knew she had to fix him. But how?

Please bear with me on this fic. It's still under construction. I just got this idea, and felt really compelled to write it down, but it still hasn't really formed completely. It hasn't come together, but it will soon, I promise. Too tired to do my usual author's notes. Just tested for my black belt today... anyway, please review! I spent lots of time on this, mostly because the plot still hasn't really formed in my head. Sooo... please, should I continue?

PS. I wrote this cuz it seems like in many fics, it was Lal that's always breaking. So I figured that Colonello should break once in a while too... though it was hard to imagine him cry.


	2. Wrong

Lal couldn't help but notice the difference in Colonello as he stood in the squad. His trademark grin was nowhere to be found, his eyes dull, shoulders slack. Even though most of the trainees in her squad were fidgeting in the summer heat, under the full glare of the sun, but Lal didn't bother yelling at them. Her eyes were always on Colonello.

"For the next hour, you will all go to another instructor for weapons training. Colonello, you come with me." Lal announced, rising more than a few eyebrows. "Dismissed."

The squad (save for Colonello) Walked away to the weapons center, trolling their shoulders and complaining about Lal, who happens to overhear everything they say, but she doesn't past Colonello, turning her head towards him.

"We're sparring." She said softly, as a surprised look appeared on his face.

"Eh? But-"Colonello protested, as Lal stopped, a scowl on her face.

"Just do what I say." She grumbled, as Colonello followed behind her, mystified. She hasn't trained him personally since he was promoted to his lieutenant, so the offer came out of nowhere. As they trekked to the training center, Colonello lost himself in thought. That night, when he first carried out a mission with his Commander, she probably never expected anything like that to happen. She would have never taken him if she did. Casting his eyes downwards, he only just escaped a kick aimed his way.

"I said that we were sparring, Colonello." Lal turned around to face him in the training room. Feigning a kick towards his stomach, she quickly slipped past his defences, having him pinned to the ground in a minute flat. Getting up and letting Colonello take inventory of his bruises, she turned away.

Colonello rolled his shoulders, and looked away. He could feel himself slipping into the semi-trance-like state he had been in. As Lal attacked him again, his blocks were barely quick enough. His body felt sluggish, as if he was travelling through water. He raised his leg to kick, but Lal was even quicker. In the hour that they were sparring, he was pinned onto the ground 26 times in a row, and Lal wasn't even breathing hard.

As Colonello got up again, Lal grabbed his collar and slapped him. Hard. He could feel his cheek stinging, turning inflamed.

"Colonello, you're not focusing." Lal snapped, releasing him, glaring daggers. "That last hour was the most pathetic thing that I've had to witness. I'm very disappointed in you. We both know full well that you can do a lot better."

"So you don't care do you kora? You weren't the one that-"He paused in mid sentence. It was the wrong thing to say, but, he couldn't take it back.

"I've seen more and done more than you Colonello. Don't you forget it." Lal turns and walks away, leaving Colonello with his mouth open, but not able to utter a single word for Lal to turn back. He knew he had struck a nerve.

"If you just want to stay in your little world of self pity, then fine. I never actually had to do this. If you don't want me, that's all right too. I won't care ever again." She turned and walked out briskly. Colonello fell back, sinking back into the pit of bubbling regret and blame again, the anchor that kept him tethered was gone.

Carolily: This plot is really making me frustrated. I have dozens of things going through my mind, one more fitting than the other, but completely blank. Doesn't make sense, I know.

Colonello: *yawns* this is getting boring kora.

Carolily: *Smacks him in the head with a frying pan* Well, you try and write something! I bet you can't even it inspiration chicken dances in front of you in its underwear! *Sniffles*

Lal: *Massages temples* you guys...are giving me a headache *Glares*

Carolily: S-sorry Lal-san, anyway, please review, and give me some idea of where the plot is heading. I know I have something, but I just can't really grasp it right now. Please bear with me! And *sniffles cutely* review?


	3. Hurt

Lal ran. She ran out of the COMSUBIN training grounds, the guards giving her weird stares, but didn't stop her. Gasping and panting, she didn't stop until she tasted the salty tang of the ocean air, calming her mind and pulling up the warm memories of splashing in the waves, the water cooling them down from the sun, the sun warming the water. She halted, hands on her knees and panting for breath, at a cliff overlooking the sunset. She had to think, but she couldn't. She felt hurt, even though for her to feel hurt, she had to care first, and she wasn't supposed to care. He was her student for heaven's sake! A mere _student_, nothing more. Again and again, she told herself, but she couldn't help but feel a pang at his name. Colonello.

"Colonello" She whispered quietly, marvelling at the effects it had on her. She could feel her cheeks heating up, an invisible butterfly in her stomach fluttering away. Sitting down and resting her head on her knees, she muttered his name again and again, letting her hair drift in front of her face, masking the silver trail of tears that rolled down her cheeks. Perhaps she was a demon trainer, but she was a woman. Even more, she was a person. And she was missing something. She needed something.

** Meanwhile...**

The shooting range was empty, except for that one lone sharpshooter. He loaded his anti tank weapon, and took aim. The whole place felt so empty, without Lal here. Usually, they came here together. But today, it's just him. Colonello took aim at the human silhouette, as a bang rang out, the bullet piercing the target in the head.

_How simple of a world we live in._ He thought, as he reloaded the rifle, taking aim again. _It's a place where when you squeeze the trigger, another person winds up dead._

Another shot rang out, hitting the exact same spot, the whole on the target not even widening just a bit.

"Good shooting as usual." Colonello turned at the voice. For a second, he thought, _hoped_ it would be Lal, but it was a male's voice.

"Oh, hi kora." Colonello greeted the other trainee whose name he couldn't or didn't bother to remember.

"Have you seen Commander Mirch? She doesn't seem to be around..." Colonello's head perked up.

"What?" He looked blankly at the other trainee, not quite registering what he said.

"Well, Nobody I asked had seen her, and I have a bunch of documents to deliver..." The trainee squirmed uncomfortable. "Since you two usually hang around together, I was wondering if you knew where she is." Looking away, Colonello turned his attention back to the target. For the first time, he gave a different reply to the question that many people usually asked him.

"No kora." He replied, as the shot he fired pierced the silhouette heart.

**Days later...**

"No! I don't allow it!" Lal stood up in a fit of anger, slamming her fists onto the table, making everyone, save the person sitting calmly in front of her, tremble.

"Commander Mirch, please calm down. What I'm suggesting is probably the best for the trainee. He is not performing up to standards and I think you know that full well." The man crossed his arms, as Lal sat down again, eyes ablaze with an angry flame.

"Colonello is perfectly capable of handling the accelerated program. He is just..." Lal didn't know what to say. Her hands gripped the fabric of her pants tightly. Even though she tries to ignore the feeling, deny it, she doesn't want Colonello taken from her. She looks down. The man in front of her raises an eyebrow.

"If you think he's capable, then I will inform the others." He stood up, turning towards the window. Wordlessly, Lal stood up, and turned to leave.

"But a word of caution," The man turned to face her again. "Refrain from letting your emotions get in the way of official affairs." Lal mustered a dry laugh.

"Do I ever?" Was her answer, as she stalked out of the room, a thousand things running through her mind.

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O

"Colonello!" He turned around, startled to find his ex-trainer talking towards him; a dangerous aura filled the room and making everyone shiver.

"Ah, Lal? What do you need kora?" Colonello tries to offer a warm smile, but Lal's expression remains unchanged.

"Today your lessons will be with the rest of the group." Lal's voice sounded icy, and if Colonello looked closely, her eyes looked red... Had she been crying? He felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

"Eh? But..."

"Remember what I said before." Lal turned around, and left before Colonello could say anything, once again left alone.

Carolily: It's official. I have the writer's block. And I am stuck. I'm ending this in the next chapter. Thanks to Dreamsugar who reviewed every single one of my horrible chapters. (Yes, I'm being pessimistic.) Now, I'm going to go take a shower. Someone told me it's good for inspiration.

Colonello: Can I watch kora?

Lal: *promptly kicks him in the crotch*

Carolily: and I know it's horrible. But please review! My imagination is down at 1%.


	4. Found

Lal went to the cliff by the sea again. She knew she was being so stupid right now. A trainer. She reminded herself. She was strictly a trainer, nothing else. Though she knew she meant those words, she could feel a hollow of disappointment and emptiness spreading in her heart, threatening to swallow her. Really, she wanted to care. She wanted to be able to say what she wanted to say. She could still remember that idiotic smile that haunted his face, now replaced by a dull expression, the heart of someone broken. Well, too bad for him. She was broken as well. As she neared the ocean, the salty taste dancing on her taste buds, she could see a familiar silhouette perched at the very edge of the boulders, precautiously close to the edge, threatening to plunge into the murky depth of the sea.

Colonello remembered this place. Only snippets of memory came to him, but he recalled seeing Lal smile for the first time, her wild navy air pulled out of her face by the playful wind. The sunset. This place was somewhere special, he knew. As he inched dangerously close to the edge of the cliff, he could feel the wind in his hair, the deep azure of the ocean luring him into the memories of his past. Unconsciously, he leaned in closer to the sea, breathing in the calming smell of the salty air.

What was he doing here? Scratch that, just what was he doing? As Lal broke into a sprint, various thoughts crossed her mind. As she neared the cliff, she could see him inching closer to the edge. Dangerously close now... could he be?

"Colonello!" Colonello turned his head towards Lal's voice, his eyes widening when Lal raced up and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Lal? What are you...?" He confusedly looked at her sobbing form as she gripped him like a vice, muttering wildly.

"What are you doing? Even if you are depressed, you don't have to... you shouldn't even think about-"She stuttered, hiccupping.

"Lal? Listen to me kora-"Colonello gently pried her hands off him.

"I know what you were going to do! How could you even think about-"

"Lal, I wasn't going to-" Colonello tried to explain, but Lal just sobbed even harder.

"Did you even think about me? I said I didn't care, but I really do. I- I _loved_ you." Lal sobbed out, Colonello gripped her shoulders.

"LAL! Listen to me kora!" Lal stopped sobbing, and looked up, eyes puffy and trails of tears glistening on her cheeks.

"I wasn't going to kill myself kora." Colonello calmly looked into Lal's fiery red ones, watching a change take place. The hollow sadness was replaced with relief, and then anger, and the usually hardness that usually appeared in her eyes. Turning away, she crossed her arms and turned her head away, blushing.

"I-I knew that." Lal defended lamely, as Colonello laid a hand on her cheek.

"Was what you said true kora?" He whispered into her ear. Lal hesitated. She can't take back what she had said. She doesn't want to try denying herself anymore.

"Yes. It was." She slowly whispered, as Colonello hugged her close, feeling the weight on his chest lift.

They knew, instantly, both of them would be okay.

They had finally found what was needed.

~end

Carolily: Sooo... I think my writer's block is disappearing. I might just go back for some one-shots before another chaptered story. Thanks for reading!

Colonello: ZZzzzzzzzz...

Lal: *Facepalm.*

Carol: Ugh, anyway, please review, and here's a little riddle. What was needed in the end? Thanks for reading!


End file.
